In our youth, before the responsibilities of life settle on our shoulders, many of us take our libido, or appetite for sex, for granted, never dreaming that anything might influence it. However, the passionate nights of a new relationship live on in the dreams of most, but in the reality of only a few. Childbirth, sleepless nights, the stresses and strains of life and general preoccupation, all contribute to a waning sex drive.
Over the years at the WNAS we have come to realise, from dealing with thousands of women of all ages, that women regard their loss of libido as their lot. They accept that it is all part of their fading youth, even if it happens in their late twenties! They don’t discuss it with others through embarrassment as they assume they are suffering alone, and it doesn’t occur to them that the situation is reversible.
There are no hard and fast rules about what is a normal level of libido, and there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ libido. What is normal to one couple may be abnormal to another. You can only judge your libido by your own standards, and if you feel that your sexual desire has diminished, for whatever reason, you will need to seek help to restore it.
Most of us have a natural interest in sex initially. That’s the way we were designed. There are, however, a number of reasons why sex drive can decrease either over a period of time or suddenly following a particular incident. Loss of libido can be due to physical or hormonal problems or mental stress and sometimes a combination of the two. Amongst the causes are:
• After childbirth many women lose interest in sex because of their rapidly changing hormone levels, their disturbed nights and the fact that Mother Nature makes a woman treat her baby as a priority rather than her husband’s needs.
• Excessive weight gain, weight loss, irregular periods, hair loss or LOSS OF LIBIDO 289 excessive hair growth may all signify hormonal problems which can also result in a low sex libido.
• Other hormone disturbances like thyroid problems, or galactorrhea, a white milky discharge from the nipples, can cause low libido.
• Sometimes people are put off sex as intercourse becomes painful. The pain can be due to infection, vaginismus, when the vaginal muscles go into spasm, an enlarged or displaced womb or other conditions.
• Long-term illness and lack of energy.
• Psychologically distressing past experiences which still haunt you.
• Simply a lack of feeling for your partner.
• Stress, worry and depression often take their toll on sex drive. When you are mentally preoccupied with pressing problems the body naturally diverts its energy to helping you through the troubled times and sexual desire may take a back seat.
If you feel that the cause of your loss of sex drive may be due to hormonal problems or pain or discomfort, your doctor should be able to offer you some effective treatment. If there is an underlying psychological problem, or you are feeling overwhelmed with stress you will need to get some professional counselling to help overcome the problems before you can expect your libido to return. The doctor can:
• give you routine blood tests, including serum ferritin to check your iron stores.
• give you a physical examination to eliminate any underlying physical causes.
• refer you for some counselling if your relationship is under strain or if you are suffering the effects of past trauma.
If, however, you feel that your libido has decreased for no apparent reason, particularly if the situation is worse before your period, then it is possible that you can gain some benefit by attending to your diet.
At the Women’s Nutritional Advisory Service we have found that a programme of diet, exercise and nutritional supplements helps some 90 per cent of women get their sex drive back within four to six months.
The body depends on important vitamins and minerals in order to function properly. When under stress there is a significantly increased demand for essential nutrients. Because we lack education about the foods which contain these important nutrients, these increased demands may not be met.
We know, for instance, that the mineral magnesium is necessary for normal hormone function and that B vitamins and the mineral zinc are particularly important in sex hormone metabolism and maintaining your sex drive. So it stands to reason that if your diet does not provide you with a constant supply of good nutrients, the body will eventually stop functioning normally, and your sex drive may well be affected.
• Follow the instructions for The Very Nutritious Diet
• Eat plenty of ordinary foods like bread, milk, eggs, meat, chicken, nuts, beans, dried fruit, green vegetables, and fish. Oysters long regarded for their aphrodisiac qualities, are extremely high in zinc, and are vital for sperm and male hormone production.
• It is important to avoid drinking too much alcohol as it knocks most nutrients sideways. Whilst you are trying to consume lots of good nutrients through your diet it would defeat the object to wash them away with alcohol. Alcohol may initially increase the desire but usually reduces the performance. Try to limit yourself to no more than three drinks per week.
• If you are overweight it is important to get yourself back into shape. Apart from the health benefits of being trim, your self-esteem will improve and you are likely to feel more desirable. Losing weight can help improve hormone function in women in particular.
• You will also help your sex drive on its way by taking regular physical exercise. Ideally you need to do four or five good sessions of exercise per week to the point of breathlessness. Adequate exercise helps to elevate your mood and is likely to have a positive effect on your hormones and your energy levels.
• If you lead a busy life and have children to care for it is important to take time out with your partner from time to time. There is nothing like a few days away without any interruptions to rekindle the old flame.
• Watching a video together like The Lover’s Guide or referring to a book specially prepared to help you improve your sex life, might bring back that old familiar, tingling feeling.
• Plus, you might well speed things along by taking specific nutritional supplements. We use a specially formulated multi-vitamin and mineral preparation, Optivite, which has been shown to help influence hormone levels positively and help women with PMS, and for older women the sister product, Gynovite. Extra supplements of zinc may be useful for those with a low intake.
• St John’s Wort has been shown to be helpful for the treatment of libido problems. A German study of 111 menopausal women with libido problems showed that a twelve-week course of St John’s Wort restored LOSS OF LIBIDO 291 libido levels in 60 per cent of the women and improved 80 per cent of psychological symptoms of depression, irritability, inner tension and anxiety associated with the menopause. The daily dose used in the study was 900 mcg. It would be advisable to start with 300mcg daily and then increase the dose accordingly.
• You might like to obtain a copy of Maryon’s Zest for Life Plan, which will enable you to find the right kind of diet for your body and to lose those extra pounds.
Flagging libido does not signal ‘the beginning of the end’, it is simply your body’s way of telling you that all is not well. Providing there is no underlying cause, self-help measures and patience will bring back the old sparkle! Patience is essential, as these recommendations are not a magic pill, you must expect to work at it over a period of several months.
Diane Preston was a 32-year-old mother of two. She and her husband had enjoyed their sex life until after the birth of their second child she suddenly went completely off sex and couldn’t bear to be touched.
‘I felt very guilty about losing interest in sex. I’d become very moody and depressed, and was irritated by any approaches made by my husband. I didn’t even want to kiss and cuddle which was so unusual for me. He used to creep up behind me and kiss the back of my neck when I was cooking or washing up, and I’d always enjoyed it. Now if I thought he was approaching I’d quickly move out of the way, and if he put his arm around me I would shrug him off.
In bed I’d curl up and pretend to be asleep before he could make a move. When I first pushed him away he looked so hurt and asked if he had done anything to upset me. I just made excuses about being tired or busy as I couldn’t face telling him the truth – that I’d gone off him. It was horrible because I knew I still loved him, but I felt I was betraying him by not wanting to make love to him anymore.
Once or twice I thought I would go through with it for his sake which was disastrous as my lack of response made him feel even more rejected. He eventually asked me if I wanted to separate. I tried to convince him that it was because my body felt switched off and not because of anything he had done. He was very supportive under the circumstances and suggested that when I felt ready for sex I should make the first move as he couldn’t bear any further rejection.
By chance a couple of weeks later I read about a range of 292 THE NATURAL HEALTH BIBLE symptoms which I knew I’d been suffering from – including loss of libido, depression and sore throats. I contacted the organisation mentioned which was the WNAS. I was advised to give up smoking and caffeine, sugar and salt. I didn’t think I would manage without these vital lifelines, but I was so determined to succeed. I was also prescribed supplements of Optivite, zinc, vitamin C and Normoglycaemia to help with my cravings for food premenstrually, which was also a problem. I took regular exercise as well and within a few weeks I could feel my symptoms begin to lift. My moodiness vanished and one afternoon I suddenly realised that I wanted sex again.
My first thought was how to break the news to Jeff after so many months without sex. I felt scared of being rejected too. I resorted to the corny old candlelit supper, and over a bottle of wine hinted that I was ‘in the mood’. At the end of the evening I said to Jeff, ‘I think I’ll go to bed now’, and with a twinkle in his eye, he said, ‘I think I’ll join you’. That night was a great success, and a terrific boost for Jeff’s flagging confidence. I’ve had the occasional relapse, especially if we’ve been out to dinner with friends and I’ve binged on all the baddies I’m supposed to avoid. But mostly, our sex life is great – in actual fact it’s even better than before! A while ago a friend commented that Jeff and I rarely go out. Jeff told her that was because we always go to bed early. She didn’t get the message, so he spelled it out ‘we go to bed early, but we’re awake for hours . . .’
“A while ago a friend commented that Jeff and I rarely go out. Jeff told her that was because we always go to bed early. She didn’t get the message, so he spelled it out ‘we go to bed early, but we’re awake for hours”
Diana Preston